Canary Yellow
by Swift tales
Summary: Sequel to Hot PinkSecond in my Odd Colour Series He's deathly afraid Eric wouldn't come back one day
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own, if I did Speed never would have died, they would have hired Ryan anyway and there would have been some major R-rated scenes between Eric and Ryan as the end to Nailed

Chapter 1

Ryan sighed and put down the remote, there was nothing on anyway. He turned to look at the doorway and he wondered if Eric would come by later or not. The Cuban had been acting strange lately, pulling random disappearing acts and when he did show up, he was tired and snapped at everything Ryan said. Ryan sighed and leaned back against the arm rest, there was something going on with his lover but Ryan had no idea what.

He turned to stare at the black TV screen and wished that Rowen was there, but she was out on a date and Ryan couldn't even remember last time she'd went out on a real date. He stared at the ceiling and sighed, closing his eyes. He could feel a headache forming between his eyes and he groaned.

He had no idea what to do, he wasn't good with people and although he'd already tried to confront Eric the other man always changed the topic, refused to answer any of Ryan's question or simply walked out. And even though Rowen smacked him on the head every time he said it, he was deathly afraid that Eric wouldn't come back one day. That's why he preferred to keep his mouth shut.

The slamming off the front door startled Ryan out of his reverie and he sat up, his eyes meeting Eric's. Before he knew it Ryan was pressed down on the couch, Eric on top off him, his lips locked in a hard kiss. Eric's tongue entered his mouth and deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding along the roof of Ryan's mouth. The younger man whimpered in the back of his throat, a mixture of pleasure and slight discomfort, because something was wrong.

There was desperation in the way Eric kissed him and Ryan didn't know what to do. Eric pressed down on him and Ryan spread his legs, making room for the other man. They parted, gasping for air and Ryan wanted to push against Eric's chest because he didn't want Eric like this, not like this. He wanted to open his mouth to say something but Eric kissed him again, interrupting him and immediately delving into Ryan's mouth.

The Cuban pulled back with a growl and went down to Ryan's throat. Ryan could feel himself harden in response and he moaned. Ryan was torn between giving up, surrendering to Eric and pushing Eric away, demanding what was going on. The decision was made for him when he felt Eric tearing at his clothing and he surrendered to the flood of desire Eric washed over him.

Afterwards Eric tried to catch his breath, still on top of Ryan, resting his entire weight on the smaller man, basking in the afterglow of his orgasm. He could feel Ryan's hand stroking his back softly and all he wanted was to go to sleep and rest. "Eric?" Eric merely grunted, his lips pressed against Ryan's flushed skin. "Eric, what's going on?"

Eric gritted his teeth and stood, pulling away from Ryan's embrace. "It's nothing." He hastily started to put on his clothes. Ryan frowned and stood, slipping his boxers and jeans back on. He rested a hand on Eric's already clothed shoulder. "Eric, tell me what is going on?" Eric turned to glare at him. "Let it go, Ryan."

Ryan gritted his teeth, his anger at Eric's behaviour for the last few days finally coming through. "You can't just show up here with that look in your eyes, fuck me into the couch and then expect me to let it go!" Eric's glare intensified. "I'm warning you Ryan, let it go." "You're warning me? Is that some sort of threat."

Eric's eyes bored into Ryan's, but the younger man didn't flinch or back down. "Ryan, please, just let this go. Just for one night." Ryan's eyes softened at the pleading tone. "Eric, if you would just tell me what's going on. I hardly see you these days and you're always upset. If you would just… if you would just tell me what's wrong."

Eric shook his head. "Forget it Ryan."

The click of the front door as it swung shut behind Eric was disturbingly final.

TBC

St: And thus the end of the first chapter of Canary Yellow! The plot hasn't been completely thought out yet, I still have a few problems that I have to tackle, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there. And yes, this is the first chapter in my Odd Colour series where Rowen does not make an appearance, but she will in the second chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own

Chapter 2

It was dark when Rowen opened the front door, there wasn't a light on in the entire house and a feeling of dread settled in the pit of her stomach. Her good mood was fading rapidly and for a minute she hesitated. She'd already noticed that Eric's car had been absent, while normally Eric stayed over at Ryan's place. Shaking off the cold tingles at the base of her spine she stepped inside and closed the door behind her. The sound of the door closing so much more louder in the silent atmosphere.

She stepped further into the hall after slipping off her shoes and coat and made her way to the living room. The room was unsurprisingly clean, but Rowen frowned, because ever since Eric had come into his life Ryan had been able to set aside some of his OCD and he'd been able to let some of the mess Eric made lie around. But now it seemed impossibly clean and from the last she'd seen this it must have taken hours worth of scrubbing and cleaning to get it this sparkling.

There were only two reasons why Ryan could have gone on a cleaning spree. He could have had a violent attack of OCD, to trigger that a large part of his body must have gotten in contact with something that was hard to wash off or something that felt incredibly dirty. The other was heart ache, when Ryan was overwhelmed by his emotions and he couldn't deal with them anymore he started cleaning.

Concerned, she made her way to the kitchen and took a peek in there, biting her lip in concern when she noticed the spotless kitchen. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, she didn't know what had happened yet and she had to wait until Ryan told her. Turning on her heel she went for the stairs, climbing them quickly. Sneaking a peek in the bathroom she groaned when she noticed the alphabetized shampoos and spotless clean tiles.

This was very bad.

She stepped into Ryan's bedroom and noticed the way Ryan was curled in himself, all alone in the big bed, his breathing was even but she could hear the small hitch in his breath at every exhale. She sighed and took of her jeans, grabbing some pyjama bottoms from Ryan's closet and switching her canary yellow top for a plain white t-shirt. Neatly folding her clothing, not wanting to cause Ryan any more distress, she put them on the floor, next to the nightstand. She closed the wardrobe and approached the bed.

Quickly, she slipped underneath the covers. Reaching out, she rubbed soothing circles over Ryan's back and she could feel the tense muscles relax. His lip quivered and his eyes opened. Rowen reached over his head and clipped on the lamp standing on the nightstand, putting it on the lowest stand causing a soft orange light parted the darkness.

She looked down at his face and noticed the dry tear tracks on his face, her jaw clenched in anger. She quickly worked past that, relaxing her face muscles and smiling softly, soothingly. "Hey, sweetie, what happened?" His bottom lip quivered again and all of a sudden she had an arm full of Ryan, who was sobbing into her shoulder and was holding on to her tightly. She blinked in surprise before enveloping him in her arms.

She was surprised, Ryan was the king of surprising his emotions and even when it was obvious he was hurt she had to pry it out of him. She had to wiggle and prod and poke him until he finally gave up and told her what was bothering him. But now, he was reaching out for her, in tears and with a broken heart, because she didn't need Ryan to tell her what had happened.

Her eyes flashed with anger, she'd warned Eric about hurting Ryan. She'd even genuinely cared about Eric, he'd been a good man, he'd been good for Ryan. She'd never seen Ryan smile as often as he did when Eric was around. He'd become a part of their small family so quickly and now…

She rubbed his back soothingly when his sobs turned into small hiccups and he finally quieted against her. "Now, sweetie, why don't you tell me what happened?" Ryan buried his nose in her hair and she could feel him shiver. "He… he'd been distancing himself for a while now. He hardly ever came by anymore and when he did nothing I did or said could be done right. W-When he came home today he… we… on the couch." Ryan took a deep breath. "I tried to make him talk about it, talk about what was going on. I tried to talk to him about why he was behaving so…"

Ryan shivered and she tightened her grip on him, stroking his hair and whispering soothing words. "He… He didn't want to tell me and we got in a fight and then he just left and … and I really think he's not coming back this time."

Rowen bit her lip, not knowing what to do or what to say. She didn't want to tell Ryan that it would be alright, because she wasn't sure it would be and Ryan didn't need someone lying to him right now. "Oh, sweetie, I'm here, I'm here for you." She kissed the top of his head and held him until slowly, very slowly his breathing evened out and he fell asleep. She stayed with him even then, knowing he'd need her to get up in the morning to go to work.

She would try to convince him to stay home, but he'd want to drown himself in work right now and she knew she couldn't stop him. Besides, exhausting himself to the point where he could barely stand was, just like cleaning, one of the ways Ryan dealt with emotions. It wouldn't do Ryan any good to stay at home this time, he'd mull over what happened and analyze the situation to death and would blame himself for Eric's departure. She sighed and closed her eyes, trying to get some sleep herself.

The last thought that crossed her mind was that Eric was going to answer for this.

----------------------------

The morning brought bright rays of sunshine into the bedroom and Ryan groaned. He reached out for the warm body of his lover only to come up with empty sheets. He opened his eyes, blinking, he looked around and noticed that not even Eric's smell lingered anymore. It was only when he noticed that the scent that did clung to the sheets reminded him of Rowen, all sugar and spice, that all the memories came flying back to him.

Burying his head in the pillow he groaned loudly, he could feel the tears pricking behind his eyes but refused to cry, he'd cried enough over Eric already. He stood, his legs feeling like lead, and made his way to the bathroom. He ignored the sounds coming from downstairs, probably Rowen messing around his kitchen. He winced at the thought of Rowen in his kitchen, his clean kitchen.

He took a shower, standing underneath the spray until he was out of hot water and even remained in long after that. Feeling cold to the bone by more then just the shower he dried himself off. Going back to his bedroom he dressed quickly. He went back to the bathroom and combed his hair, thinking better of brushing his teeth just yet because knowing Rowen she'd force him to eat at least a whole plate full of waffles.

No matter what Rowen claimed, she could cook even though the only thing she knew how to make was waffles, but that didn't matter. He went down the stairs and into the living room, breathing in the air and yes, there it was, the unmistakable scent of Rowen's waffles along with Rowen's singing.

He entered the kitchen and leaned against the doorframe, watching his friend. Rowen was dancing around the kitchen, singing loudly and off key, cooking and setting the table. Her jeans and canary yellow top were definitely the clothes she'd worn yesterday. Her hot pink sunglasses covered her yes and she looked completely ridiculous. She was dancing around on her socks and didn't seem entirely surprised to see Ryan when she whirled around.

She stopped dancing and made him sit at the kitchen table, setting him in front of a stack of waffles and Ryan groaned. Rowen however, simply sat down in front of her own stack and started munching on her waffles happily. "I swear, Ryan, I'm a genius." She said after swallowing and quickly took another bite.

Ryan shook his head and sipped his orange juice. It didn't seem like Rowen was going to bring up what happened yesterday and Ryan was grateful for that because he needed to have his act together, he couldn't afford to loose it right before he went to work. Rowen was remarkably quiet during the meal and after he went back upstairs to brush his teeth he could hear her clean up and that was something she normally left him to do when she cooked.

He went back to his bedroom and gathered his badge, gun, wallet, keys and phone. He went downstairs and slipped on his jacket. He entered the kitchen and saw Rowen doing to dishes. He approached her and moving on impulse wrapped his arms around her from behind and pressed his face between her shoulder blades. Rowen reached for the towel next to her and dried her hands before she rested them on top of Ryan's. Ryan kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks for staying last night." Rowen shook her head. "Ryan, you're my best friend. It was nothing."

Ryan smiled and released her. He'd made two steps towards the kitchen door when he stopped and turned around. "Rowen?" "Yes?" "I have one more favour to ask of you." Rowen turned around and regarded him. "What favour, Ryan?" "That you don't confront Eric about this, alright?" Rowen looked at him, her eyes and facial expression calm. "We'll see."

Ryan sighed and left, knowing that was the most he could get out of her. He left his house and refused to look at the empty place where Eric usually parked his car. He could still remember the days when they would leave for work together and they'd kiss goodbye on the sidewalk and it would always be a struggle to actually leave for work instead of going back to the bedroom.

He gritted his teeth, he didn't want to think about that now. He got in the car and left for work. At the crime lab he made a quick stop in the locker room before heading towards the lab. He had some backlog of evidence to process and he didn't have a new case yet.

When he passed Eric in the hall their eyes met and Ryan felt the despair settle in his stomach, because it seemed like everything they had shared together was really over.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own

Chapter 3

Eric wasn't surprised to see Rowen leaning against his car at the end of shift. He wasn't surprised at all. Stealing himself for the inevitable he approached the car. "Delko." Eric suppressed a wince at Rowen's cold voice. "We need to talk." Eric shook his head. "There is nothing to talk about, Rowen." He didn't want to talk about this, he just wanted to go home and get some sleep.

He went to open the door but she neatly side-stepped, blocking the door with her body. "What the hell is your problem, Delko?" Eric gritted his teeth. "Get out of my way Rowen." Rowen's eyes flashed with anger. "Do you have any idea how much you hurt Ryan last night? I don't have the details, but I know enough." Eric snarled at her. "You get out of my way now, Rowen."

They glared at each other and Eric could see the anger at Rowen's face and he thought he couldn't blame her. If someone else had hurt Ryan like that, he would have been just as pissed off. Rowen crossed her arms in front of her chest and strengthened her glare, if that was possible. Eric had seen her in all kinds of moods, but he'd never seen her truly pissed off before, not like this.

"Rowen." The voice came from behind Eric, it was soft, controlled and calm. Eric recognized it immediately. He turned around and there was Ryan with his shaggy mop of brown hair and a carefully blank expression on his face. His big, brown eyes touched Eric's for a minute before moving to Rowen's sharp blue ones. "Rowen, it's all right, lets go home."

Rowen's eyes softened when they looked at Ryan and she nodded. "Alright." She shot Eric one last piercing look and said so softly only Eric heard her: "This isn't over yet." With that she left Eric standing at his car.

Eric watched them walk away and felt a stab of longing assault him. What he wouldn't give to be able to walk next to them again, his arm wrapped securely around Ryan's waist. He snorted to himself when he opened the car door, yeah, like that was ever going to happen. Rowen was never going to forgive him for what he did to Ryan yesterday and Ryan was never going to take him back.

What in the world had he been thinking? Simple, he hadn't been thinking. He'd been so upset because of Marisol, his sister was sick and she was dying and he couldn't stand the thought of losing her, the woman who'd been so supportive of him. She'd been the first of his family to find out about his sexual orientation and she had accepted him without a thought. She'd given him the courage to tell the rest of his family, who'd accepted him as well.

She was dying and there was nothing he could do about it. He'd tried to help her, to be there for her as she'd been there for him. So he went with her to her chemo sessions and to her doctor appointments. He knew he'd been shutting Ryan out, that he'd been disappearing without a good explanation a lot, but so far every time Ryan had asked about it he'd been able to redirect the conversation elsewhere.

But that night it had been such a hard chemo session and then he went home, home to Ryan. He'd gone home to sweet, beautiful Ryan and all he'd wanted was to forget the disease that was killing his sister. And he had forgotten, if only for a few precious moments, he'd forgotten and there had been only Ryan.

But then Ryan had to ask what was wrong, had wanted to know and Eric hadn't been ready to tell Ryan, because if he did somehow, that would make it all so very real. So he'd refused to say anything, thinking that Ryan would easily back off, just like all the other times. He'd been wrong. Ryan had kept pushing, had demanded to know what was going on with Eric, why he had been so upset and Eric had exploded on him. He'd left and made it very clear he wasn't coming back.

He rested his head against the steering wheel. He'd fucked up, bad. He'd fucked up beyond reason and now he'd never get Ryan back. He'd never feel the smooth skin of his sweet lover again. He'd never kiss those lips again. He'd never laugh at the banter between Ryan and Rowen again. He'd never feel the comforting weight of his lover on top of him while they slept or leaning against him when Ryan fell asleep whilst watching TV.

He closed his eyes and wished that he'd been smart enough to stay home. He wished he'd just told Ryan. He wished he could just go home and go to sleep with Ryan in his arms.

But that was never going to happen again and no matter how much he didn't want to, he had to move on.

TBC

St: God, I'm really exaggerating.

And Yes, I am well aware that Eric is being a major bonehead


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own

Chapter 4

Rowen gritted her teeth in annoyance. It had been over a week since Ryan and Eric had broken up and Ryan hadn't let her go near Eric once. After he'd steered her away from him that time she'd intercepted him at his car he'd never let her out of her sight if he wasn't working. It was annoying, because she was dying to scream and rant and rave at Eric for hurting her friend like that.

Ryan had changed and not for the better, where he'd always been able to keep his OCD under control it was now mass chaos. Everything had to be precisely in place, if not it guaranteed a major freak out on Ryan's behalf. He'd become an ever bigger workaholic, going in really early and clocking out hours later then normal. Rowen suspected the only reason he clocked out at all was because he needed to make sure Rowen didn't go after Eric.

As if that wasn't bad enough, he was also loosing weight. He kept coming with excuses that he didn't have enough time or that if he skipped one meal it wasn't that bad.

Rowen snorted, yeah right. When Ryan had been with Eric, she'd never seen him happier. When Eric left, Ryan had fallen apart. He'd been and still was desperately in love with the Cuban and the knowledge that it was all over was ripping him apart. She knew that he wanted to go to Eric and beg him to take Ryan back. But Ryan had dealt with rejection one too many times and he'd lost all hope.

She watched her friend kill himself little by little day by day and it was killing her inside as well.

And then she hadn't even added the fights into her equation. It had taken her a couple of hours but she finally managed to find out that the tension between Eric and Ryan had gotten even worse then before they dated. They snapped at each other's smallest mistakes and fought constantly.

Rowen sighed and shook her head, shaking away her thoughts. She opened the front door and stepped into Ryan's hallway. "Ryan? Are you here?" She stepped into the living room and froze in shock. "Oh my God!" Ryan turned around and raised an eyebrow. "What?" "You cut your hair? How could you! You were so cute in that shaggy mop hair style thing!"

Ryan shrugged and rolled his eyes. "I just cut it, it'll grow back." "But….But…." "No buts." Rowen sighed and decided to give up, for once. She was too tired with concern over Ryan to start a discussion about his hair. She dragged him out for coffee, not wanting to stay home like the previous nights when Ryan had plainly refused to go out.

When they walked along the streets of Miami there was mostly silence. Ryan not wanting to have a conversation in fear it would lead to Rowen wanting to discuss their current break up. Rowen was unnaturally quiet, for once in her life not knowing what to say. They stopped by a bridge and leaned over the railing, looking down into the water.

"Why won't you let me talk to Eric?" Rowen asked. Ryan sighed. "I just want to forget that all of this ever happened. I just want to forget that Eric and I were ever together. All I want to do, is to forget. I want it to stop. I want to stop reaching out for Eric in the morning. I want to stop looking up every time a car drives by my house, because it just might be Eric." He sighed. "I just don't want to remember."

Rowen looked at him, her eyes filled with concern and she laid a hand on his shoulder. "Ryan, I wish I could make it better." Ryan smiled sadly. "You are, just by being here. You're a great friend, Rowen, I don't know what I would do without you." He turned to her and she wrapped her arms around his waist while his arms wrapped around her shoulders.

Rowen could almost feel her heart break inside her chest when Ryan whispered one last time. "I just want to forget."

------------

Rowen was pissed. Rowen was on a mission. Rowen was pissed and she was on a mission, and that ladies and gentlemen, was always a bad combination.

Her cell phone was turned off, just like her pager. She had left her beloved hot pink sunglasses at home and had opted for a normal black pair. Her face was devoid of make up and she was wearing a dark blue business suit. She wasn't even holding a coffee cup. She was positive Ryan wouldn't recognize her. Well, not from a distance anyway.

Ryan had managed to drag her away every time she'd even approached Eric, but not anymore. He was probably trying to kill himself with over time as usual. Rowen had kept her afternoon free, just for this one opportunity and had created a disguise just to make sure nothing would happen.

She watched her prey approach his car and shot in action. She quickly approached the vehicle and got in the passenger seat, just like that. Eric turned to look at her and she pulled off her sunglasses, glare firmly in place. "Ryan won't let me talk to you, so I'm just going to have to do this behind his back." Eric glared back at her. "Get out of my car."

"Fuck you, Delko." They glared at each other. Eric gritted his teeth and Rowen narrowed her eyes. "Listen, Rowen, I don't care, whatever you have to say, I don't care and I don't want to hear it." Rowen resisted the urge to smack him. "So you don't care about how much you hurt Ryan either?" Eric's expression turned carefully blank and Rowen frowned. "Rowen, I regret the way Ryan and I broke up, it was certainly not my intent to hurt him that way. But he'll get over it."

This time, she did smack him. The palm of her hand collided violently with his cheek and his head snapped back. "You asshole! Don't you know how much you hurt him? How much he still hurting? You don't get it do you? Ryan loved you, he still loves you, he can't just get over it. I doubt he ever will." Eric glared at her. "You're lucky hitting a woman is beneath me Rowen."

Rowen returned his glare full force and resisted the urge to slap him again. "Tell me something, were you planning on breaking up with Ryan since the start? Or did you just stopped caring, just like that." Eric broke their eye contact and refused to look at her. Silence stretched and Rowen narrowed her eyes. "Answer me." Eric looked outside the window, his eyes landing on Ryan's car.

The car door opened and Rowen got out, having enough off waiting and knowing she wasn't going to get an answer anyway. She turned to Eric one more time. "You didn't deserve him. I hope someone hurts you the way you hurt Ryan. And then maybe you'll realize how it feels to have your heart ripped out off your chest."

The slamming of the door seemed much louder then it actually was.

Rowen was fuming when she walked away from the car, positively fuming. She put her sunglasses back on and scowled. Where had she ever gotten the idea that Eric would be good for Ryan? Granted, he had been good for Ryan as long as they had been together, but now her baby was broken and it didn't seem like he'd ever get fixed again.

She glared at the building of the Miami Crime Lab, blaming it for all Ryan's problem. If he'd just stayed in patrols and taken that promotion instead of becoming a CSI a lot of misery could have been avoided. But then again, her baby made his own decisions and as much as she tried to help him along the way, it was still his life to lead.

She could feel the tears pricking behind her eyes and she pushed them back stubbornly. She was pissed, pissed was much easier to deal with than sadness. She sighed and shook her head, she wished there was something else she could do.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own

Chapter 5

It was out of reach, beautiful and tantalizing and just too close for comfort. The smooth, caramel skin stretched over taught muscle and Ryan had to tear his eyes away because he didn't want to be caught staring. He quickly changed into another shirt, wanting to get out of there as fast as he can because temptation was just too close to the surface today and he'd been making too many emergency trips to the bathroom to insure he wasn't going to ruin another pair of jeans due to a stain on the front.

He fumbled with his back pack and cursed under his breath. He willed himself to calm down, because if he scrambled out of there like a chicken that'd just lost his head he would raise attention to himself and that was the last thing he wanted. All he wanted was to go home and fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.

The ride home took much too long and when he finally got to his place he felt like he could fall asleep on his feet. But despite his fatigue his compulsions won out and he took the time to carefully place his gun in his nightstand along with his badge. He laid his phone down on the top of the nightstand, next to his keys. He took a long, hot shower, scrubbing himself everywhere to insure that he was clean, he put on a clean pair of sweats and a t-shirt. He brushed his teeth and put his clothes in the hamper. He pulled out fresh clothing for the next day and put them on a chair next to his nightstand, his shoes neatly underneath the chair.

When he finally got underneath the covers he was already asleep before he hit the pillow.

An insistent ringing sound pierced through the heavy fog of sleep and Ryan tried to pry his eyes open, because if someone was calling him on his day off something was wrong. He didn't have anyone else besides his uncle and that left work. There was always the possibility of Rowen calling, but she took delight in showing up at his place unannounced. He fumbled around in the dark and winced when he knocked his keys to the ground. Finally having his hands on the phone, he flipped it open and brought it to the side of his face. "Wolfe." He winced at how groggy his voice sounded and he cleared his throat.

It was a new assignment and he sighed tiredly after he hung up. He really needed more sleep, but it seemed that sleep was going to have to wait, because Calleigh was already on her way tot the scene and he didn't want to get there too late. Besides, sleep was highly overrated.

He took another quick shower and quickly pulled on his clothes, grabbed his gun, badge, phone and keys. Within ten minutes he was on his way to the crime scene. Anger flared inside of him because he knew the only reason why he was on his way to a crime scene instead of still sleeping in his warm, comfortable bed was because Delko didn't answer the call out. He was really pissed because this was becoming a habit.

Besides thinking of Delko always pissed him off lately, because if he wasn't pissed, he was falling apart and crying and he couldn't do that no. He tried to ignore the feeling of disappointment in his stomach, because Delko was probably with some girl getting laid and therefore didn't answer the call out.

The case made him feel uneasy, getting shot with a nail gun had to be painful. He grimaced when he saw the poll of blood and when he saw Calleigh holding the gun. Without thinking clearly he spouted and insult about Delko and he saw Calleigh frown. "I'll just pretend I didn't hear that." He winced, because he liked Calleigh, she was a good friend and he didn't want to say things like that bout somebody she obviously cared about. He wanted to apologize, but the words wouldn't come out and he bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from swearing. He never had good people skills.

When Ryan saw Delko later on anger took control again, because he was supposed to be home, damnit. It wasn't that he didn't love his job. It was just that he was looking forward to a day of not doing anything important and finally relaxing. He hadn't relaxed in only God knew how long.

He'd been looking forward to sitting home with Rowen and playing monopoly and drinking coke or Cherry coke in Rowen's case. He'd been looking forward at Rowen teasing him and their easy banter. Everything had slowly been going back to normal and he'd been looking forward to a day with Rowen and pretending nothing had ever changed and that Ryan's heart hadn't been broken. Even it was only pretending.

He lashed out, sugar-coating his words with poison and Eric snapped back and Ryan could feel the hate brewing in his stomach and he wondered how it was possible that he could love and hate Delko so much at the same time. Calleigh quickly defused the situation and he felt guilty for a moment, because she was caught in the middle, but he pushed that side because feeling guilty wasn't nearly as comforting as being self-righteous angry.

They searched the crime scene and instead of finding the murder weapon they found burned clothes and this case was just getting weirder and weirder Ryan thought. He couldn't think of any reason why someone could burn someone else's clothes, even if that someone else was going to marry you were supposed to divorce.

When they went to the dead woman's apartment the place was a mess and while Calleigh mentioned that there were only signs of a struggle, he remembered that time in collage and smiled. "Or it could be sex, haven't you ever pushed aside the dinner plates to get some?" He hadn't done that in quite some time, but he had pushed aside more then just dinner plates.

With the memory came a flash of fantasy and for a minute he could see Delko pushing aside the dinner plates on his table and bending him over. The thought caught him by surprise and he stumbled slightly. He counted to five slowly and composed himself, hoping that Calleigh didn't notice. She hadn't and he sighed in relief. He continued processing the room and when he found the tape he had a queasy feeling in the bottom of his stomach, like there was something wrong, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

The tape turned out to be a fake and he ended up riding back to the crime scene to dust all the phones in the house. He came up with a fingerprint upstairs, which he scanned into the computer and send to Calleigh. She got a hit on the contractor, who is in the database for a second-degree murder conviction. He resisted the urge to sigh and said he would go ahead and have a look in Lampley's trailer.

He opened the door and a cold shiver ran down his spine; He ignored it and stepped inside, his hand hovering over his gun. "Karl? You in here?" There wasn't an answer and at first glance the trailer seemed empty. He turned his attention to the cabinets and slowly walked towards one. His hand grabbed the handle and he pulled. He started when a few pieces of wood fell towards him. He chuckled humourlessly at himself, he was being a bit jumpy and he wondered if it was because he hadn't slept enough.

He shook his head to himself and closed the door. He looked around and noticed another door, he approached it and his hand hesitantly hovered over the handle. Shaking himself mentally he opened the door. Next thing he knew he was on the ground, a searing white hot pain spreading through his eyes. Something was digging into his flesh and he cried out in pain.

Doing everything he could to keep his head cool underneath the heat of the pain he reached for his cell phone, calling for help. He just hoped someone out there would hear him because he wasn't sure if he would survive this if no one heard him. If no one came to help him. It was a striking fear in his chest, the thought he might die there, covered in blood and alone.

He wondered they would grieve over him like they did over Speed, but then he shook the thought off beausee no one would mourn or miss him like they did with Speed. No matter how long he'd worked at the lab he still felt like an outsider sometimes.

Rowen would mourn him though, she'd miss him because she didn't have anyone else left then. Rowen was the only one who he could say for certain that loved him genuinely. She would probably be the only one on his funeral. Maybe Horatio would show up too, out of respect. He wondered if Delko would be happy that he's finally rid of Ryan.

The thought of Eric brought back a flush of memories. Eric smiling and laughing. Eric holding him at night, and kissing his shoulder when he woke up in the morning. And he wanted to reach out and touch that Eric, wanted to feel that Eric hold him again. He could remember all the moments between them, as they stood face to face, trying to stare each other down. He could remember snapping at each other over the smallest things.

"Ryan!" It sounded hurried and worried and the voice seemed awfully familiar. He looked up and saw Eric coming in and for a minute he was confused, what was Eric doing there? He didn't have much time because Eric was talking to him hurriedly and was dragging him upright. Somehow he gets into Eric's car and he can hear himself begging take out the nail in his eye, because it was a nail, he knew that now. He was right, getting shot with a nail fun was painful.

He could feel Eric squeezing his arm and the warmth of that gesture seeped through the fabric of his clothing and into his skin. It meant more to Ryan then Eric would ever know. While the warmth of the touch was warming his body, his mind was getting hazy and Eric's voice became a sound in the distance. He couldn't see anymore and everything went black.

There was only the warmth of Eric's touch, but then he realizes that Eric's touch was gone and he was just warm all over. He was lying on his back and there was a slight weight on his chest, like that of a blanket and he tried to open his eyes. When he finally got his eyes open, the first thing he saw was the nail sticking out from his eye and he could feel a panic attack building immediately.

"It's okay, honey, it's okay." He knew only one person with a voice that was so soothing and he reached out and a small hand enclosed around his own. "Alexx." He looked up at her and then noticed Rowen sitting next to the black woman.

She looked distraught and he had never quite seen her like this. Her hair was in disarray and there were tear stains on her face. Her bottom lip was quivering and she hadn't pulled herself together yet. Her small form was shaking and he knew she was dying to reach out to him.

"Rowen." His voice sounded raspy and he cleared it. Rowen smiled and reached out, stroking his hair, probably disappointed that she couldn't push away his bang anymore since he cut his hair. She stroked his cheek and he knew that was all the comfort she could offer at that moment. He looked back at Alexx and held her hand tightly, needing to hold onto something and for the millionth time he started at CSI he's glad that she decided to mother him.

They explained to him that they were going to pull out the nail and he heard himself speaking. "You know, you really don't need to stay, Alexx." His mind was screaming at him, wondering what the hell he was doing and to be completely honest he didn't know himself. "I'm not going anywhere sugar." She told him and he smiled and tightened his grip just a little, because he was really grateful she was staying. He didn't bother asking Rowen if she really wanted to stay, because he knew she would go off on him and he would be staying at the hospital for far more then the nail in his eye.

He took a deep breath and with a wet plop that sounded like a plug being pulled from a drain the nail was pulled from his eye.

He breathed out shakily and Alexx made a soothing noise. "It feels like its still there." He said and Alexx nodded, while Rowen made a strange noise in the back of her throat. When Alexx assured him it was gone, her voice was soft and for a minute he felt like a kid again and he thought if that was how it was like to have a real mother then maybe it wasn't so bad.

Alexx had to leave again, after all, dead corpses didn't autopsy themselves you know. Rowen staid however, taking Ryan's hand this time and brushing her thumb over the back of his hand. "I was really worried today." She said, her voice shaky and a little raspy from the crying. "I can see that." He teased slightly and she gave a humourless chuckle. "When they called me, I just couldn't believe it."

"They called you?" Rowen nodded and smiled slightly. "Yeah, I'm listed as your emergency contact." Ryan nodded in understanding. "Thanks for coming." "Sweetie, you got shot in the eye with a nail gun." She said, giving him a look and she sounded a bit more like her regular self. Ryan smiled.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own

Chapter 6

Eric swore as he got out of the car, this was the umpteenth time he hadn't responded to a call out. They should have tried three times with him, as was protocol, but no, they went straight to Wolfe when he didn't answer the first time. He knew Ryan was supposed to have a day off today and he could feel the guilt creeping up into his stomach, settling there like a heavy rock.

He tried to shake it off, he had been with Marisol, he could hardly abandon her when she needed him. He impatiently shifted his weight from one foot to the other, the elevator was slow and he was half relieved and half irritated by it. The door opened and he could already see Ryan and Calleigh coming his way and he braced himself when he saw the expression on Ryan's face.

"Ah, there he is. Nice of you to show up." Ryan said. Eric gritted his teeth, because even though he knew he probably deserved Ryan's anger he couldn't help but snap back. "What's your problem Wolfe?" He knew it was a stupid question because he knew exactly what Ryan's problem was. "It must be nice working on Delko-time. Cherry pick cases, show up when you want."

"I had something I had to take care off. You need any help, Calleigh?" He asked, ignoring Ryan, but Ryan stepped forward. "Yo, Eric, it's too little too late." Eric clenched his fist. "If I thought that you could even understand what I'm going through, I'd explain it to you." For a minute Ryan looked like Eric had slapped him in the face. And Eric knew why, he should have explained it to Ryan when they were still together, but he hadn't.

"Okay, you know what? That is enough. I get it." Calleigh said, but Eric knew she didn't. She didn't know about them and she didn't know why they hated each other now. "Eric, we're fine. If I need extra help, I will call you. You, in the elevator with me. We're leaving now." Calleigh continued, moving away. Ryan gave him one last look and then brushed past him, following Calleigh into the elevator.

He watched them leave and he sighed, feeling the weariness settle in his bones. He was so tired. He turned around again and continued to the locker room. He had some work to do. There wasn't a new case so he decided to catch up on the case Calleigh and Ryan were working on. A few hours later he was making his way to the original crime scene to check things out.

Ryan's voice sounded through the radio and his eyes widened. He switched on the sirens and he pressed his foot down on the gas pedal. Not Ryan, please not Ryan. First Marisola and then Ryan? He shook his head, tried to shake off his thoughts. He needed to keep it together.

He hit the breaks and got out the car, holding his gun, he checked to make sure everything was clear and called out, because he couldn't hear anything. "Ryan?" There wasn't an answer and feeling the growing panic creep up on him he entered the trailer. Ryan was on the floor, covered in blood, with a nail in his eye and quickly making sure there was no one left in the trailer he knelt down on the floor.

He wanted to wipe away some of the blood. He wanted to tell Ryan he was here and he would take care of him. He wanted to kiss Ryan and promise everything would be alright. He wanted to sooth Ryan's pain and tell him he still loved him and that they'd be together again. But he didn't.

"Ryan." And Ryan looked up at him, a quick look of confusion was replaced by something Eric really didn't want to think about. He quickly heaved the younger man up and grabbed him around the middle, pulling Eric's arm over his shoulder. He had to get him out of here, he had to get him to a hospital.

He managed to get Ryan into hummer and got in himself. He laid his hand on Ryan's arm, trying to insure himself that Ryan was still alive, that he wasn't dead and at the same time tried to reassure Ryan that Eric was there. The first scream that came from Ryan's throat tore Eric's heart to pieces and he squeezed Ryan's arm. "It's going to be okay, Ryan."

He called for help with the radio, regretfully letting go off Ryan, but this was important. He could see Ryan slump in his seat from the corner of his eyes. And even though he could only see Ryan's hair he knew Ryan's eyes were probably rolling in the back of his head. Letting go of the radio he grabbed his arm again. "Wolfe, don't you dare go in shock, stay with me Wolfe." But Ryan obviously wasn't listening. "Ryan, please, hold on."

In the hospital he tried to stay near Ryan, tried to stay with him, but they wouldn't let him. "Alright, as soon as you know anything, let me know." Eric said, wanting to know if Ryan would be okay. He watched them take him away and Eric swallowed passed the lump in his throat.

He couldn't get the image of Ryan, his beautiful Ryan covered in blood with a nail in his eye. He felt his heart constrict painfully at the thought that Ryan could have died without knowing how much Eric really loved him. And another thought hit him like a ton of bricks. This was all his fault, if only he'd answered the call out, that way Ryan would have been at home, Ryan would have been safe.

He should have gone to work, whatever was going on his personal life he should have answered that call out. And now Ryan was in the hospital with a nail in his eye and Eric had no idea what was going to happen. What if Ryan went blind or something? It would be all Eric's fault.

Feeling his despair settle in his stomach he wanted to something to react his anger out on. However, he refused to break down here. He turned around dejectedly and stopped when he saw Horatio standing there and he knew he would have some explaining to do.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own

Chapter 7

Ryan sighed when he walked towards the exit, he was really, really tired and he really, really wanted to go to bed and get some sleep. And this time he would stay home for his day off, which the doctor had forced him to take, and he would sleep all day long.

When the door slid open, he almost froze when he saw Eric standing there, but he managed to keep his cool. He approached the other man casually. Eric smiled awkwardly. "I heard they were letting you out." Ryan managed not to wince, barely. "Well I promised I wouldn't drive." Eric nodded. "I know, that's why I came by…give you a lift."

Ryan oppressed the growing panic in his chest. He couldn't handle the thought of stepping with Eric in a car at that moment. He was far to vulnerable, his emotions were too close to the surface and all it would take was one small slip and he would be spilling out how much he missed the tall Latino. And that certainly wouldn't go over very well.

He shook his head no, barely restraining himself from frantically shaking his head. "Thanks." Eric shifted uncomfortable. "Look, I'm going by your place anyway." But Ryan wouldn't give into this, because it was too dangerous for Ryan's fragile state of mind. He didn't have total control yet and he couldn't risk losing it completely.

"That's cool. I'm just gonna take a cab." He quickly walked past Delko, thinking that at least one thing was going right that day when Eric grabbed his arm. The small contact made his breathing hitch and he froze in place." Listen, I know this is my fault." Ryan turned around and kept his eyes on the ground, avoiding eye contact because he knew Eric's eyes were warm and dark and he has always been drawn to them.

"What is?" "Your eye." Ryan shook his head, still not looking at Eric. "What are you talking about?" Eric took a step forward unconsciously, as he tried to get the point across. "I'm talking about it was my call. No matter what is going on in my life I should have rolled." And Ryan wanted to burst out in laughter, wanted to burst out in hysterical laughter and he wished Rowen was here.

No matter how angry he was at Eric for not showing up and ruining his day off, no matter how much he has thought of blaming Eric for this mess, he knew that this was mostly his fault. He finally looked up at Eric, looking him in the eye, because this was important.

"And take a nail in your eye? I don't think so. Look, Eric, I went in there without any back up, I went in there without my gun drawn. This is my fault." He hesitated. "…uh, thank you very much for driving me to the ER. That was some crazy driving."

The tension was broken and Eric smiled, slightly." That's no problem." They walk away together and Ryan knew that Eric was going to give him that lift home and that Ryan was just going to have to suck it up. The Cuban Russian clapped Ryan on the shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze. "Look, if you ever mention anything about Delko-time again, you're going to need to rent a room in this place."

Ryan eased up and smiled slightly. "Fair enough."

Eric did end up giving Ryan that lift and they ride in comfortable silence. It's odd to Ryan, because he wasn't used to such a friendly atmosphere between them anymore. He wasn't used to the lack of tension and hostility and it felt good to be able to relax around the other man again. Even if they weren't lovers anymore.

When Eric parked in front of Ryan's house there is a moment of silence and Eric seemed torn between saying something and keeping his mouth shut. But after a few minutes of silence Ryan got out of the car. "Goodbye Eric, thanks for the lift." "Goodbye Ryan."

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"And he did nothing?" Rowen asked. "Nothing." Ryan said, nodding. Rowen growled and opened her mouth to say something, then shut it abruptly. She turned to face Ryan and gave him a thoughtful look. "Did you want him to do something?" Ryan sighed and leaned back against the couch. "I wanted him to kiss me, to hold me, something." Rowen sighed and wrapped her arms around Ryan's torso, snuggling into his chest. "Oh, baby. I wish he loved you as much as you love him."

Ryan wrapped one arm around her shoulder, hugging her back. He buried his nose in her hair and squeezed his eyes shut, forcing down the tears. He took a shuddering breath. "I'll survive." Rowen squeezed him tighter. "Yeah, you'll survive."

And Ryan did survive. He went to work, solved cases, went back home, hung out with Rowen and went to bed. Life pretty much continued the way it had continued before Ryan and Eric had gotten together. Ryan and Rowen bantered back and forth as usual and even if Rowen stayed over almost every night and held him until hell asleep neither mentioned it.

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"So how was your date? This is the second time you've gone out with this guy, right?" Ryan asked as he flopped down on the couch, a box of ice cream held in his lap. Rowen flopped down next to him, her own box of ice cream held to her chest. "Yup it is. I like him, he's funny, talented, really good looking." Ryan raised an eyebrow at her. "Then what's wrong wit him?"

Rowen frowned. "Nothing is wrong with him." Ryan scoffed. "Right, and that's why I haven't met him yet." Rowen sighed and nodded. "You're right, there is something wrong with him, I just don't know what. Maybe he's too perfect, or too serious." Ryan rolled his eyes. "Maybe you need someone serious, someone to ground you, help you to settle down."

They looked at each other and then burst out laughing. "That was really funny. I can't believe you said that with a straight face." Rowen said, trying to control her laughter. Ryan grinned. "I can't believe it either." They quieted again.

Until Rowen spoke up, of course. "He's perfect, aside from the fact that he's so serious all the time, I always to try to loosen him up but he just won't budge." Ryan stared at her. "Someone who doesn't budge when you're pushing them? Wow… who shoved a stick up his ass?" Rowen grinned. "That's what I asked him, but he just raised his eyebrows at me." "So what are you going to do if he asks you out again?" Rowen shrugged. "I'm not sure, but then again I'm not sure he'll call again." Ryan laughed.

And for a minute it really felt like everything had gone back to normal.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own

Chapter 8

When Eric witnessed the bank robbery Ryan worked on that case too. It wasn't that easy to work with Eric, but they weren't snapping at each other anymore and that was something. They had gotten a quiet sort of careful friendship that was entirely new to both of them and they both tried desperately not to damage that.

The A/V lab was quiet as usual and they watched the videos of the ATM. A stab of jealousy hit Ryan unexpectedly when he saw Eric check out that girl and he tried to shake it off. "Looks like your day started off good." Ryan commented, barely keeping the anger and jealousy out of his voice, because he couldn't stand the thought of Eric wanting to be with someone else.

"Yeah, I almost forgot why I was there." Eric quipped and Ryan could see the shit-eating smirk on Eric's face. He turned back to the screen and focused his mind on the case, because pining after Eric wasn't going to do him any good.

A while later, when his mind was still shifting between Eric going out with women and the new case, Horatio approached him about Erica Sikes and she was looking for him and he resisted the urge to file a harassment charge because honestly, couldn't the woman take a hint? He promised Horatio he'll take care of it and continued with the case, thinking that he might set Rowen on Erica and how much he would pay to see that.

He was slightly disappointed when Horatio send him back to the lab to play the game, felt that he could do much better with his time. But Horatio was Horatio and he was the best investigator in Florida so Ryan just did his job. if Horatio felt that it was best for the case to have Ryan play the game then Ryan would play the game.

However, that did not stop him from silently cursing Horatio and the game and everything in sight when he couldn't get to the next level. "Hey, how's it going?" Ryan resisted the urge so smile, because he wasn't happy at the moment and just hearing Eric's voice wasn't an excuse to feel better. "I can't get past the first level because you keep shooting me!" "What?" Eric asked and Ryan could hear the laughter in his voice.

"It's not really you, it's the cop in the game." He kept playing for a while, concentrating extra hard and trying to tell himself that he wasn't doing that to impress Eric. Because honestly, how in the world would Eric be impressed with Ryan being good at videogames?

When Eric left to make the arrest he even made a crack about it: "You stay here, gameboy." Ryan smiled half heartedly, maybe this entire friendship thing could work out.

---------------------------------

"So you guys are friends now?" Rowen asked, her eyes eyebrows raised in question. Ryan nodded, sipping his coffee absentmindedly. "Yeah, we're still pretty careful about it. It's definitely new, I mean, we've never been friends before, not really. Or there was this huge tension between us. Or we were lovers. Now we're between the two and it's new."

Rowen nodded. "It's understandable that you guys are careful, yet try to strengthen the friendship. But what I don't understand Ryan, is why you let him back into your life after this?" Ryan nodded opened his mouth to say something but Rowen shook her head. "No, let me rephrase that. Why do you let him back into your life now? I mean, it's good you two are friends. But you can't stand there and tell me you're not still in love with him."

Ryan sighed and nodded. "I am still in love with Eric. You know that and if I thought we'd had a chance, then I'd do everything in my power to get him back. But that's impossible, so I'll just take what I can get. And if friendship is all that's there for us, in the future, then I'll be happy with that. I don't think I'll ever fall out of with Eric, Rowen, so I'll just have to keep my feeling inside."

"Rowen, there is just one thing I want you to promise me." They stopped walking and Rowen turned to look at him. "And what do you want me to promise?" Ryan shifted his weight from one foot to the other before biting the bullet. "I want you to promise me you'll try to forgive Eric." Rowen's eyes went wide but she didn't interrupt. "I want you to promise me that you'll try to forgive Eric, please?"

He could see how she clenched her jaw but nodded. "Fine, I promise I'll try to forgive Eric, but if you guys get into another fight or anything all bets are off!" "Deal, only if you won't blame him for any other heart brake that might come my way." Rowen's eyes narrowed and Ryan hurriedly continued. "It's not his fault that I can't forget about him."

Her eyes softened and she pulled him into a hug. "Oh, sweetie." Ryan wrapped his eyes around her waist and knew she understood. "I'm lucky to have a friend like you, Rowen." She squeezed him tighter. "I'm the one that's lucky, Ryan." They parted and smiled at each other.

"You do know we must look like complete idiots, just standing here and smiling at each other." Rowen said, raising an eyebrow. Ryan chuckled and nodded, turning and continuing in the direction they were going.

"So, now that we have exhausted almost every aspect of my none existent love life, what's up with your love life?" Ryan asked, shooting his friend a glance. Rowen shrugged. "That's just as none existent as yours. I dumped that guy I was going out with, told him to give me a call once he got that stick removed from his ass."

Ryan sighed. "How come the best relationship we ever had was with each other?" Rowen laughed. "Yeah, and look how that one turned out." Ryan smiled. "I like to think that worked out just fine." "Yeah, for us." "For who else should it work out then?" Rowen shrugged. "I don't know, my future children maybe. I mean, I don't think they're too happy with the fact they might be never be born."

Ryan laughed.

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Ryan sighed, he'd known that Natalia had been interested in Eric, had known that there was a good chance Eric might be interest in Natalia. But to be so violently confronted with it in the Evidence Locker was another thing entirely. The attraction was there and the playful flirting enflamed his jealousy and Natalia reminded him just a little bit of Erica. They were the only two women he'd ever felt the urge to hit.

He tried to confront Eric about it latter, when they were dealing with the blog. He mentioned he might have wanted to ask her out and the received 'you?' was like a slap in the face. Yeah, he'd never actually considered taking Natalia out and he knew that she wasn't particularly interested in him. But the reaction was as if Eric was surprised by the idea that anyone might want to out with Ryan and that hurt, because hadn't Eric gone out with Ryan?

Or did Eric just think Ryan was a good fuck?

He worked on getting that thought out of his head, because he knew without a doubt that Eric had cared about him. Eric might not have loved Ryan as much as Ryan had wanted him too, but Eric had cared about him, that was certain. He kept the thought of Eric and Natalia out of his head the entire case, strived to focus solely on the case.

It was far easier then he expected and maybe that was because even though he had to work with Eric he didn't see that much of Natalia and that was always a blessing. He was glad when they solved the case, because that way he wanted to go home and even though he went home to an empty house, it was better then the lab at the moment. Because at the lab he couldn't break down.

So he was just going to get his things and go home. He was hindered however when Eric came in. Ryan was torn between making a quick escape and hanging around, because Eric might chance into another shirt and well, getting a peek at that was always worth the consequences when he got caught.

"So, Jake Gyllenhaal, isn't that the actor from Brokeback mountain?" Eric said. "Whatever you say, A-rod." They laughed at each other. Ryan shook his head, and went to past Eric on his way to the door but he must have tripped over something because next thing he knew he was falling towards the ground and he braced himself for the impact.

It never came because Eric caught him. Eric's eyes were warm with laughter and he was so close Ryan could count his eye-lashes. And before he knew it Ryan kissed Eric, pressed their lips together violently and pushed his tongue past Eric's lips. Next thing he knew Eric had him pinned against the wall, his weight holding Ryan down. They were flushed together and Eric's mouth was fused over his.

He thrust his hips forward and there was an answering harness and then suddenly it hit Ryan who this was and what they were doing and he wrenched his head back. They stared at each other, breathless and Eric's eyes were filled with shock and Ryan quickly slipped from underneath Eric's arms because this was wrong.

He grabbed his bag and quickly made his exit, almost running from the locker room. He wondered how in the world he could have let himself go like that. It didn't matter that Eric responded, because Ryan knew Eric had a libido the size of Texas and only took what was being offered. He wondered if this would change everything.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own

Chapter 9

"You guys kissed?" Rowen asked, her eyes wide and surprised. Ryan nodded and buried his head in the armrest of his couch. "But how?" She asked, her voice the embodiment of her shock. "I don't know, I tripped and he caught me and then suddenly I was kissing him and next thing I knew he had me pinned against the wall."

Rowen paused, looking at him with curious eyes. "Wait, he had you pinned against the wall?" Ryan nodded and after a few minutes of silence lifted his head from the armrest and looked at his friend. She was staring at the black tv-screen in thought, a frown planted firmly on her forehead while she biting her lip. "Oh no, I know what you're thinking, let's not go down this road again, Rowen."

She turned to him. "And do you think I'm thinking?" "I think you're wondering if Eric might still be, even thought that is impossible, in love with me." Rowen gave him a look. "Well, don't you think it's strange that he has you pinned against the wall kissing the life out of you?" Ryan shook his head. "No, I don't think it's odd, after all, he has a libido the size of Texas. He'll take anything he can get."

"Now, you know that's not exactly true." Rowen said. Ryan gave her a sceptical look. "Oh please, we're talking about a man who used to screw women against office buildings." Rowen's eyebrows disappeared into her hair. She grinned widely. "You got to be kidding me." Ryan shook his head. "I'm not… granted, he hasn't done that for quite some time. At least, as far as I know."

Rowen blinked at him a couple of times. "But you guys kissed! That's a step in the right direction isn't it?" Ryan stared at her. "This coming from the woman who used to hate Eric with a passion only a few weeks ago?" Rowen sighed. "I don't like Eric very much at the moment, but I saw the way he used to look at you. I saw how happy you were when you two were together. And I know you're never going to stop loving him, Ryan. I might be pissed at him for what he did to you. But if there is even an inkling that he still loves you, then I say you should go for it."

Ryan stared at her in shock. "I can't believe what I'm hearing." Rowen sighed. "I know that this is a very sudden change of heart, Ryan. But think about it." "I don't want to think about it, I just want to forget this ever happened." Ryan said, once again burying his face in the armrest.

He could feel Rowen's hand on his shoulder while her other hand rubbed soothing circled in his back. He turned around and fell into her arms, the tears finally coming out and the sobs racking through his lean frame. "I'm just so confused. One minute he's flirting with Natalia and the next thing he's kissing me and I… I just don't know what to do anymore. I still want him so badly, I still want him to love me and …. I still love him, Rowen. I still love him so much."

"Ssshh, it's okay sweetie. I know." She held him to her, her eyes closed and her heart torn at the pain her friend was going through. "Sweetie, it's okay to still be in love with Eric. It's okay to still want him. It's okay." Her voice was quiet and soft and laced with tears.

----------------------

Rowen sighed when she closed the door behind her, it had taken forever to convince Ryan that he should get some rest and she would have stayed with him if he hadn't kicked her out. Ryan didn't kick her out often, usually he was content to let her stay. But he had those moods of his sometimes and then he just preferred to be alone. It didn't happen a lot, but when it did Rowen made sure to do what her friend asked her to do, for once.

At the sound of the doorbell she looked up and frowned. She normally didn't get any visitors. Shrugging to herself she stood and went to open the door. She paused just in front of the door and grabbed the baseball bat leaning against the wall, Ryan had pressed on her to be cautious ever since he joined patrol and saw what people could do to each other. It had gotten even worse when he joined the Crime Lab.

She opened the door for a few inches and peered through the gap, only to open it wider and openly gawk at the person standing in front of her. It only took her a minute to snap out of it though. "Eric! What in the world are you doing here?" The Cuban looked at her with an uneasy expression on his face and eyed the baseball bat in her hands. "I – I needed to talk to you." She narrowed her eyes and her grip on the baseball bat tightened. "About?" Eric swallowed and took a small step back, feeling intimidated by the woman he could probably flatten with one punch.

"About Ryan." He said, earnestly, because whatever happened he wasn't going to back down. He'd come here to grovel and beg for her help to win Ryan back. When he'd kissed Ryan in the locker room he'd gotten a slice of the heaven he'd willingly left behind and he'd been beating himself up over it ever since. He couldn't believe he'd thought he could have something with Natalia, because that was simply impossible. He loved Ryan more then anything else in the world and he was going to do everything in his power to win him back.

Rowen gave him a thoughtful look. "Give me one good reason why I should listen to you?" Eric looked her in the eyes. "I don't have a good reason. The only reason I can give you is that I've been an idiot for pushing Ryan away and hurting him the way that I have. I want him back and that's why you have to listen to me."

Rowen looked at him and Eric resisted the urge to squirm underneath that penetrating gaze. Finally, her eyes softened slightly and she opened the door wider, stepping aside to let him in. Eric stepped forward, one eye still trained on the baseball bat. Rowen leaned the baseball bat back against the wall and lead Eric to her living room.

Rowen's living room was the complete opposite of Ryan's. Ryan's was clean and organized. Rowen's was a mess with cushions and blankets strewn everywhere along with pieces of paper, pens, empty coffee mugs, books and clothing. There was a mewling sound coming from underneath one of the cushions and when Rowen picked it up it revealed a small, ginger cat.

"Eric meet Stylo, Stylo meet Eric." She grabbed the cat around the middle and settled in her lap when she flopped down on the couch, after pushing aside several items of the junk inhabiting her living room. "Sit down, Eric, I'm not going to bite. Just push aside some rubble and have a seat." Eric did as he was told.

"Now, you wanted to talk to me about Ryan, you mentioned something about how you were an idiot and you wanted Ryan back." Rowen said, stroking the cat on her lap. Eric nodded. "Well, that brings me to my next question. Why the hell did you push him away in the first place?" She asked, her voice still calm, but having a threatening edge to it.

"I'm not proud of what I did. My sister, Marisol, she's sick and she's dying. I've gone with her to her doctor's appointments and to her chemo treatments." Eric said. "Ah, the disappearing acts Ryan mentioned." Rowen said, stroking the cat thoughtfully. The ginger cat started to purr, causing Rowen to giggle and kiss the top her head. "Yes, so go on."

"Oh, right." Eric said, having been distracted slightly by Rowen's behaviour. "Well, that night I came home, it had been a really bad chemo session and I just… I just wanted to go sleep and forget and there was Ryan and I wanted him so bad… and then afterwards he wanted to know about why I was so… I don't know. He wanted to know. And instead of explaining it to him, like I should have I refused to and left."

He watched Rowen sitting there with a frown on her face. "That's what happened? You hurt Ryan just because you didn't want to tell him about your sister? Why didn't want to tell him, were you afraid he wasn't going to understand or something?" Eric shifted uncomfortably. "I was afraid that if I said it out loud it would make everything more real." Rowen sighed. "It's real no matter what."

Eric nodded. "I know, but by the time I realized how stupid I had been it was already too late. I thought he never wanted me back now and I tried to move on." "Ergo, Natalia." Rowen said, shaking her head. Eric nodded. "Yeah, but then I kissed Ryan in the locker room and something snapped back to life, yelling at me to stop being such a dickhead and fight to get Ryan back. I want him back, Rowen, and I'll fight for him if I have to."

Rowen regarded him silently. "Listen, Ryan told me about what you told him that time, before he got shot in the eye with a nail gun, you said that if you thought he could even understand what you were going through you would explain it to him. Now that I know what you were talking about, let me explain something to you."

"The reason why Ryan and I are together all the time, the reason why we love each other so much is because we have always stood by each other and aside from Ryan's uncle we only have each other. Now, if you ever tell Ryan I'm telling you this I will kill you, because I promised him I never would. But I think it's important you hear this, because you have to know how much that statement could hurt Ryan when you explain everything to him."

"Ryan's father died in a car crash when Ryan was four. His mother took care of him along with his uncle. His grandparents on both sides were dead, his mother didn't have any siblings and Ron, Ryan's uncle, was his father's only brother. When Ryan was seven, his mother was diagnosed with cancer. She died two years later, when Ryan was nine. Until Ryan met me, his uncle was the only one he trusted. If there was anyone who knows exactly what you're going through, it would be Ryan."

Eric stared at her, horrified. Rowen looked back. "Ryan's had boyfriends before, but they always broke up with him because of his relationship with me, they were afraid Ryan would suddenly go straight again or something. The other reason was that Ryan never seemed to trust them. You were the first who didn't Ryan and I, the first who actually joined us and liked me. You were also the first that Ryan trusted. You've done a lot more damage then you think."

Eric groaned and buried his head in his hands. He could hear Rowen shift and suddenly small hands tugged his arms away. She was kneeling in front of him, looking straight into his eyes. "It's going to take a while for Ryan to heal. But it's not going to stop him from taking you back, because he still loves you. You just have to make sure you explain everything, so he knows what happened and that he can trust you again."

Eric stared at her. "I will, I'll explain everything. I want him back, I need him, I just never realized how badly." Rowen smiled softly. "Maybe something good can come out of his entire situation." Eric nodded. "Thank you."

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own

Chapter 10

"So, you're going to fight for Ryan, right?" Rowen asked, sitting back down on her couch. Eric nodded. "Yes I am." Rowen gave him a look. "Then why are you still sitting there? Go out there and seduce my baby!"

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Ryan sighed when he heard the doorbell, he'd told Rowen to leave him alone and normally she respected that, why in the world would she come back now? Getting out of bed, he slipped on a T-shirt and his boxers. He padded down the stairs on bare feet and quickly went to open the door.

Opening the door slightly, he peeked outside and froze when he saw Eric standing in front of him instead of Rowen. He swallowed past the lump in his throat and opened the door further. "Eric." "Hey, Ryan." Eric seemed uncomfortable. "Could I come in?" Ryan nodded and turned around, going back into the house. He heard Eric shut the door behind them and the click of the lock startled him somewhat.

His breathing hitched and he told himself to calm down. That Eric was here in the middle of the night didn't mean anything. That Eric was here in the middle of the night after they had a make out session in the locker room didn't mean anything. It didn't mean anything.

Right.

He tried to ignore the hope that was threatening to break his heart once again and settled down against the couch. Eric went to sit on the other side and shifted uncomfortably for a minute. The Cuban didn't seem to know what to do with himself and the sight almost made Ryan laugh. It was so normal for Eric to be confident and cocky that seeing him anything less then sure of himself made Ryan wonder if Hell had frozen over. "I need to talk to you." Eric said, once again shifting in his seat. Ryan nodded, feeling uncomfortable himself. "So talk." Eric nodded and took a deep breath.

"Well, I want to start with saying that I'm an idiot. That night when we broke up, I was being stupid and selfish and… I left for all the wrong reasons. My sister… My sister, Marisol is dying, she's really sick. When I came home that night, I'd gone with her to a chemo session, just like I go with her to all her doctor appointments and I just wanted to sleep and forget about it. And then I saw you and… you were so beautiful, Ryan … and then you wanted to know and I just couldn't tell you, because I thought that if I said it out loud somehow it might make it more real."

The Cuban shifted again.

"But that was stupid, because it already was real. And I left that night, because you wanted to know and I was too stubborn to explain. When I realized how stupid I had been, it was too late and I was too afraid to talk to you. So…. So, I thought I should move on. And I thought I could, but then when we kissed in the locker room, everything came rushing back. And I couldn't believe how stupid I had been…. I just want you back, Ryan, if you would give me another chance."

There was silence and Eric was way too afraid to look up from the ground and see the anger and refusal on Ryan's face.

Suddenly he was on the ground with Ryan on top of him, kissing him brutally. Ryan's tongue forced himself passed Eric's mouth and Eric moaned, reaching up to deepen the kiss. Ryan pressed their bodies together and Eric wrapped his arms around Ryan's waist, holding the younger man close. He revelled in the feeling of Ryan's lithe body against his again. He'd missed him so much during all those nights alone and he couldn't believe that he had been willing to live without this feeling. "Eric, I want you to make love to me. I want you to prove you want me back."

Eric looked up into dark brown eyes and he smiled. "All right baby." Ryan kissed him again, his mouth hot on Eric's and Eric moaned. Ryan stood and pulled Eric right only to have Eric pin Ryan against the nearest wall, kissing him hard. "God, I want you." Eric whispered in Ryan's ear before he pressed his lips against Ryan's flushed skin, sucking and licking and biting. He'd wanted this so badly ever since he'd kissed Ryan in the locker room and he couldn't wait to get Ryan out of his sleeping clothes.

They stumbled to the bedroom, neither willing to let the other go for long. Eric started tugging on Ryan's clothes, wanting them off and done with. Ryan untangled himself from Eric's grasp and pulled back. He quickly took of his T-shirt and his boxers, Eric reacted by quickly unbuttoning his own shirt. Shrugging the piece of clothing of his shoulders he felt Ryan's nimble fingers fumble with his belt.

He let Ryan undo his belt and his pants and stepped out of them when they fell down. He'd already kicked of his shoes near the door, so they didn't hinder him and he quickly pulled of his socks too. He tackled Ryan to the bed, wanting to have him as soon as he could.

Ryan looked up at him with those impossible wide eyes and Eric's breath caught in his throat. "You're so beautiful, baby, if only you could see how beautiful you are." He kissed Ryan, his lips pressing against Ryan's and he wanted the younger man so badly. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and fumbled around and his hand quickly closed around the lube and the condom.

He sucked on Ryan's collarbone and the younger man arched into him, moaning his name. "Now, Eric, please, don't make me wait any longer. I've waited for so long." That urged Eric on and he quickly prepared his lover, who was squirming underneath him and he tried to hold back on the wave of desire crashing into him, urging him to take what was being offered and take Ryan, posses his lover the way his lover possessed him and never let go.

He quickly rolled on the condom and entered Ryan with one sharp thrust. Ryan mewled and arched up into him and Eric smiled to himself. Ryan was definitely the most response lover he'd ever had, and if it was up to him he would be the only one to know Ryan like this from now.

He started to thrust slowly, deeply and Ryan whimpered, hips meeting Eric's for every thrust. The younger man wrapped his arms around the Cuban and arched into the embrace. "Eric, more." Eric complied, going faster, harder and deeper. The young man whimpered and Eric moaned. "I love you, Ryan." Eric whispered, kissing Ryan's collar bone. Ryan whimpered and Eric kissed him, deep and gentle. Ryan's hands found their way into Eric's hair and tightened on the dark locks.

Ryan's legs wrapped around Eric's hips and caused Eric to sink even deeper into the younger man's body. A cry of pleasure left Eric's mouth and he stopped, trying to hold back his impending orgasm. His lover was so good, so warm, so tight and he didn't want to come just yet, wanted to make sure his lover came right along side off him. Because this was all about Ryan and he didn't want to orgasm first.

Then slowly, he started thrusting again, revelling in the cries of pleasure coming from Ryan. The young man threw his head back and Eric was reminded of their first time together and he smiled to himself. Taking Ryan back then had been the smartest thing he'd ever done and he couldn't believe how lucky he was the other man had let him in again so easily.

Soon, Eric's thrust started to loose their smooth rhythm and he started to falter, snapping his hips up harshly and almost thrusting into Ryan's body violently. "Want you, need you… so bad." Ryan whispered, his voice almost lost in his own moans. "L – Love you, Eric." "Ryan…" It came out as a hiss and they both came, Ryan moaning loudly and arching into Eric, baring his throat while Eric nuzzled into the soft skin and breathed heavily, his pants brushing against Ryan's throat.

They laid there for a while, breathing heavily and basking in each other's company. "Ryan?" "Mmmmhhh?" "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry baby." And before they both knew it, Eric was crying, his tears dripping onto Ryan's skin. "Sssshh, it's okay." "No, it's not okay. I'm sorry for everything, for the way I pushed you away. I'm sorry that I didn't trust you enough to explain what was wrong. I'm sorry for hurting you so much. I'm sorry…"

"Eric, it's alright. We're together now and that is all that really matters. I love you, don't forget that." And Ryan kissed him then, his tongue mapping Eric's mouth and Eric kissed back. They kissed languidly and sensual, enflaming each other once again. "I want you, Eric."

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own

Chapter 11 : epilogue

"Rowen, God gave you a mouth and I'm sure he knows you're grateful. But please, shut up."

Rowen hugged, but kept her mouth shut and Ryan smiled, snuggling closer to the warm chest underneath him. Eric chuckled and pressed a kiss into Ryan's hair. Ryan just mumbled sleepily and wrapped his arms around Eric's torso. The two of them were stretched out over the couch while Rowen was sitting on a pillow she'd stolen out of Ryan's bedroom.

They both watched Ryan sleep for a while, Eric with a gentle smile on his face, Rowen grinning widely. "Eric, I want you to know that, no matter how much I hated you, I'm glad to two of you are back together." Eric looked up from Ryan-watching and smiled at her. "Thanks." Rowen smiled genuinely. "No problem"

"I just hope you know that if you hurt him again, this time I will kill you." Eric smiled and tightened his arm around Ryan. "If I hurt him, you have to smack me around and point out what kind of an ass I am." He dropped another kiss to Ryan's head. "But I promise I won't hurt him again. I've realized just how much I love him. I'm not going to do anything to endanger what we have now."

Rowen grinned. "Good. So…how was the make up sex?"

The End


End file.
